Kenton was drawn to the story George Jung from the movie Blow. The life of the drug dealer, the game of high stakes poker that involved crossing country lines into the depths of Colombia and back again to the U.S.
The allure was for many reasons - financial, risk, attention - but the main one was a diversion from the ease with which his life had unfolded in front of him. He was born to reasonable, if not comfortable, wealth. Athletics, relationships, education all came with ease. This was something different, something with dire consequences if it went wrong. It was just what he wanted.
He remembers the first time he was witness to a large quantity of drugs. It was in a tiny smoke shop in his hometown as a teenager. The duffle bag opened in front of him and there was a pharmacy's worth of cocaine and marijuana. His eyes lit up at the possibilities.
"Where did it all come from?" he whispered in amazement.
"Mexico baby…Mehico"
He kept track over the next few weeks as the large mass was broken up into smaller bite sized units for distribution among the addicted, the curious and that helped carry the load down the distribution chain. The numbers were too good to be true - margins of 5-6X on individual packets over cost. All of this for the price of a plane ride to Mexico?
Like any good student he needed to understand the rules of the game and to do so he wanted to walk through the entire experience - from acquisition, to distribution and finally consumption. Kenton had no idea the addiction he would experience in all three categories.
He started out small, as they all do, but Kenton was different. There was nothing about him that could remain small. In his first sale he made $100 profit. From there it was just cash flow and time as he reinvested every dollar earned along the way into building his inventory and increasing his buying power. The model was simple - the more you can buy at one time, the better the price. The more you can buy the more inventory you carry which attracts more customers who don't want to go without their fix due to shortages from their usual dealer. By the end of his first full year in business he was making more than four times what you would make in your typical student summer job - and at 17 it was just the beginning.
It became another outlet for his obsessions but this one was definitely a dangerous liaison. Nights would be spent meeting distributors, acquirers and more frequently users, wherever attention would not find them.
Along the way he tested everything and with testing came addiction. The parties were legendary and everyone knew the ultimate source. Word was not kept quiet but that was part of the high for Kenton. The "catch me if you can" attitude provided him something to occupy his thoughts instead of checking his answers at the back of a textbook.
The money was secondary as that was business and business was another easy aspect of his life. By the time he was 20 his distribution network was wide, his pockets were overflowing with cash needing to get into the mainstream system and his own drug use virtually uninterrupted from one day to the next.
College just provided more customers and a greater challenge. Could he keep up his façade of a straight A student, an athlete and all round clean cut kid while snorting his life away. For the most part, the answer was yes.
He was the life of the party and he was spinning out of control…but he wanted more.
His nights were now a routine of phone calls, deliveries, random drop-ins and time alone with his indulgences. So as to not miss a beat he would study throughout the night and with a couple hours of rest at some point before morning, he would stride confidently to class: a true dual lifestyle.
There were close calls along the way. His name was on every cop's list when it came to small time drug dealers. Little did they know how much of the network he ultimately controlled. It made him smile inwardly.
He had lost control of his own use somewhere along the way. Perhaps from day one, perhaps years later. It was the perfect storm for his personality - a substance that allowed his mind to rest momentarily while intoxicated from the chemical abuse. He reached for it at every opportunity. Daydreamed about it while making the rounds of his waking hours. It would bring him to tears, child-like giggling but most of the time just dead silence in a world of distractions.
**
Kenton's days are scheduled to the minute as any idle moment would allow for his mind to drift. He subconsciously has found a coping mechanism through constant mental and physical exhaustion. Today there is a noon hour window for Kenton to head to the gym before a late lunch with a female acquaintance from grad school. In his calendar it is marked as "lunch - Jeff". While he has nothing to hide, the slight obfuscation makes his home life a little less stressful as his wife would surely rather be having the lunch date with him.
His lunch date with Kate has been planned for months. A rare feeling of nervousness creeps up on him - he knows this meeting is nothing but trouble but impossible to resist.
He can feel her presence as he walks through the front doors. Kenton is concerned that on the way over the slight hint of the cologne has drifted off his shirt. He spent the evening searching for it in hopes that it would elicit some of the memories of their intense time together at Harvard.
She is seated by the window, facing the front entrance. The shade is drawn to halfway down the window to dull the Boston midday sun - it just catches her cheeks as she smiles a wide knowing grin upon seeing Kenton enter the restaurant. Both Kate and Kenton want to be calm but the rush of emotions is too great. He walks past the waiter who has pulled his chair out to seat him and stops at her side of the table. In a single motion he puts his right hand on her arm that is resting on her thigh and kisses her forehead.
He whispers in her ear, "I have missed you" In one fluid motion he is seated across from her, clasping her hands in his, unconcerned with how it may look to others.
"There isn't a moment in my busy life where you haven't been with me in some capacity. When I have weak moments I imagine your disappointment should I lapse and it keeps me from the edge. When I have success I secretly share it with you and credit you with my motivation to still want further success. With each rep in the gym, I picture your hands on my arms. With every step I take, I have kept you in my soul. I have missed you so much, Kate."
He didn't rehearse the words, he knew the moment he saw her again that it would all rush out. Thinking what to say has always seemed to be a waste of time for him. When you say what you are feeling the words flow from your mouth to your counterpart's heart. Something told him that she expected something from him with her inquisitive smile when he walked over to the table.
Kenton has always been dramatic with his words. He sees life as short and intense, something to be experienced with no regrets. Whether he lives to fifty or a hundred he treats every day as though it could be his last. It has been both a blessing and a curse. To those that will listen he preaches the same wish for their lives - that they too will express their passionate feelings, attempt the impossible, and simply live instead of existing. He has watched too many just live instead of being alive.
He never wanted to be in his sixties, talking about his upcoming retirement.
He never wanted to have loved someone and had time pass until it was too late to mention it.
He has always been confused that the population surrounding him seems to hold everything back and live at fifty percent instead of one hundred percent.
Kenton tried and failed many times to find passionate people and elevate their goals. He failed so many times in his search that for the most part he gave up the hunt. But when he would find that rare diamond hidden amongst the rubble, his eyes and passion would explode. It was this discovery that first led him to Kate.
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