The day her best friend got married, Angie put on a brave face. Deep down she’s hurting.
She walked down the aisle with a bright smile, taking the arm of the good looking best man awaiting her arrival.
She signed her name, albeit shakily, on the marriage certificate.
She presented her speech without fault, bringing tears to many faces.
She danced with each of the groomsmen who did not have dates.
Deep down she’s hurting.
She remained mute while the other bridesmaids complained of the pain caused by the gold stilettos.
She remained one of few guests to stay right until the end – when the bartenders had retreated and the centerpieces had been auctioned off in drunken games. She helped clean and track down cameras and shoes and name cards for those who wanted to hold on to every piece of the wedding that they could. She wrapped up the cake, carefully, making sure to send the top section home with the bride and groom, and took care of the remainder of the personally designed vanilla cream cake.
In a drunken haze, Angie stood outside in her strapless, knee-length dress ensuring that everyone was put safely into a cab. Off went family friends, aunts and uncles, new cousins, old friends, groomsmen and bridesmaids – some now paired off, the grooms’ parents and finally the brides’ parents.
Angie and Meghan, a fellow bridesmaid took the last cab of the night and headed home. They slipped out of their dresses, happy to remove their confining strapless bras, and crawled under the covers. Sleep came quickly.
Deep down she’s hurting.
Angie awoke early the next morning and headed towards the washroom. Her head pounds, rebelling from the previous nights’ ceasers, wine, shots and mixed drinks. She sits, head in hands and begins to cry. Her shoulders heave; her last night’s mascara runs down her pale cheeks. She cries and she thinks about the wedding. She cries and she thinks about him.
Her pain has surfaced.
She misses him.
No one knows.
Angie returns to her room to find that Meghan is awake. She flinches slightly, realizing she failed to look over herself before leaving the bathroom, but her friend says nothing besides some comment about how she is in need of Tylenol.
The morning feels long. The girls do little but lie in bed drinking water and watching TV reruns. There is very little in the way of conversation – Angie is grateful. Her body lays still, her eyes focused on the screen at the end of the bed but her mind and her heart are racing.
Three days. It’s only been three days.
She misses him.
Angie, knowing that Meghan is well entertained, closes her eyes to fight off the tears, and thinks of him.
The air is crisp and cuts through their thin layers as they walk across the deck, across the grass. He presses her lightly against the brick wall along the side of the house.
I came here to talk to you…” she trails off as he kisses her.
“So talk.” He smiles.
“I wanted to tell you –”
“Yes”
“I love you too.”
She loves him. She loves him in a way that has no limits, no boundaries; in a way that no one but the two of them could ever understand or even begin to decipher. Anyone before him was nothing; anyone after him can only hope for second place. She loves him.
No one knows.
There was nothing simple about their love. It was true and it was powerful, but it was complex.
“I just hoped that what we had was so strong that you couldn’t and wouldn’t want to be with anyone else. It’s just that I miss you so much right now, Angie. I wish you had no intrigue left in you. I wish that I absorbed it all.”
She misses him.
Two weeks ago they sat at a table lit by candlelight. Angie convinced him to try sushi for the first time. He was stubborn and fussy, refusing to try it, but he did. He enjoyed it.
Eight days ago he drove by her house, calling her ahead of time so that she could be waiting at the window, just to wave.
Five days ago he brought his lips to her ear and whispered, “I love you.”
Three days ago he lost control of the car.
Yesterday afternoon she watched her best friend say ‘I do’ and begin the rest of her life with her one true love. Yesterday she witnessed all of the things that she would never get to do, never get to have, with him. Yesterday she said goodbye.
Today Angie wakes up and for the first time in three days, she smiles. She realizes that many people go their whole lives without experiencing love; without knowing what it feels like. Angie had two years with him; two years with the love of her life. That is more than many get. She knows she is one of the lucky few.
Yesterday Angie said goodbye. Today she can smile, knowing he will always be with her, no matter what.
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